Buy a Shotgun, Joe Biden (Music Video)

A Beautiful Song About Guns
by Glee’s Darrin Criss
and Make Believe President Joe Biden

Continue reading “Buy a Shotgun, Joe Biden (Music Video)”

Saturday Night Live Sucks a Little Less, as the Popular Show Roasts Liberal Governors

The Mess Setup

How much of a mess can people make, that others will ignore? At what point do people who lie begin to turn on each other, lie about each other, and turn hypocrisy and ill-will toward each other? How much of a mess can American media ignore? It seems inevitable, when you leave a trail of broken promises, lies, misdirection and intentional damage … someone will eventually notice, and the devilish spirits participating will taste their own medicine.

That time draws ever nearer, as the liberal-loving late night TV show “Saturday Night Live,” a show with a foundation of real comedy from real comedians, no longer has fair-haired Donny Trump to push around.

They’ll just unleash their comedy on Biden lovers in an apparent fit of unusually good taste, and probably an attempt to bolster … TV ratings. Fox News: Saturday Night Live poked fun at New York’s Andrew Cuomo for a second straight weekend — this time with fellow Democrats Gavin Newsom of California and Gretchen Whitmer of Michigan lampooned as well.”

Fair is fair! Biden’s trying to appoint unqualified oddballs to cabinet positions, he has zero plans to contain COVID, he never responded at all in any meaningful, helpful way to devastating, deadly weather in Texas, and he and his lackeys expect every American voter and every politician to not just back him, but cover for his ineptitude. It’s really, really hard to ignore.

Last evening’s appropriately-make-believe game show on SNL was hosted by none other than the (fake) Dr. Anthony Fauci, who did a splendid job.

Takeaways

SNL Weekend Update host Michael Che: “Sen. John Thune said he opposed the $15 minimum wage because he used to get by on $6 an hour when he was a young man,” Che began. “But that was like 40 years ago when rent was like a dollar and everybody had one porno tape. This is why Democrats never get stuff done. You keep leaving it to a vote and taking ‘no’ for an answer. When Republicans lose a vote, they storm the capital. Why can’t y’all get that mad? Say what you will about a guy in a Viking helmet taking a dump in Nancy Pelosi’s desk, but he will not be ignored!”

And according to Fox’s report, “U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas (Aidy Bryant), also joined the show as a contestant, but he appeared to be angling to showcase his stand-up comedy talents rather than trying to get the vaccine.”

“It is great to be back in New York City,” the senator said, redoing the comedy routine from his CPAC appearance this week. “Sorry, my arms are tired ’cause I just flew back from Cancun, Mexico.” The real Cruz made a similar joke at the Orlando, Fla., conference to make light of his ill-timed trip to a sunny resort amid his state’s winter-storm crisis.

And, while it may seem all in fun, it’s this reporter’s opinion this kind of fun is what the world needs more of. It’s fair minded, open season bullying, with a whiff of integrity … and comedy may be the last stronghold for reason and truth that has the power to do more than make us laugh.

This funny business may just set us free.

###

Mark Urso
mark@markurso.com
@A_Candle_Lit

I’m White! (a poem)

just words

A Lovely Poem
about being who I am

This won’t take too long!

White, heterosexual, Catholic and skinny!

It’s an ongoing project!

I’m white.
Stop telling me that’s bad.

I’m heterosexual.
Stop telling me I have a choice!

I’m Catholic.
Stop telling me lies about my own faith!

I’m skinny.
I eat anything I want.

So there.

###

… to be continued …

Mark Urso
mark@markurso.com
@A_Candle_Lit

STATEMENT FROM DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, WORLD’S PREMIERE AND FOREMOST EXPERT, ON COVID HERD MANAGEMENT

STATEMENT FROM DR. FAUCI,
WORLD’S  FOREMOST EXPERT

My name is Doctor Anthony Fauci.

Look into my eyes!

I am not creepy.

I am not a liar.

I do not have an agenda.

You can believe me!

I am the foremost expert in the world.

People like me!

But, as a resolution for this New Year, I’d like to make some confessions. You see, being the foremost expert in the world, who people like, it’s hard to tell the truth. I know so much more than you do, I’m afraid you won’t understand the big picture, and it’s important you don’t question my authority.

I do make some stuff up sometimes. That’s not the point. The most important thing is that people believe me. Some people aren’t smart enough Continue reading “STATEMENT FROM DR. ANTHONY FAUCI, WORLD’S PREMIERE AND FOREMOST EXPERT, ON COVID HERD MANAGEMENT”

Santa Calls Out Biden as Dangerous Poser

ROSWELL (AP) Santa met with aliens in Roswell, New Mexico to request assistance delivering Christmas gifts. The jolly old man also warned children to stay away from Joe Biden, who Santa called a dangerous poser.

A new Twitter poll shows strong support for Santa’s decision.

At press time, 97% of those polled believe Biden is the fake.

The debate places Biden and Santa in a classic holiday battle for the hearts of our children. The North Pole issued a press release claiming Continue reading “Santa Calls Out Biden as Dangerous Poser”

OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM SUPREME LEADER ELECT

BEGIN OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM SUPREME LEADER ELECT

As your new Supreme Leader Elect, I vow to do many things which I never mentioned in the past. I look forward to ignoring many others who attempt to claim they are also Supreme Leader Elect, because I claimed it first. Oh, and that’s of the whole Universe. I forgot about that.

I’m Supreme Leader Elect of the whole Universe. If you didn’t vote for me, shame on you.

As I prepare for my transition to Supreme Leader, I’ve been making lists Continue reading “OFFICIAL STATEMENT FROM SUPREME LEADER ELECT”

Joe Biden’s Big Marshmallow Roast

Time for a quick public safety announcement. Just like masks, this is for YOUR OWN good. If you’re smart, you’ll follow my advice.

## BEGIN PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ##

Fires are hot. Smokey Bear knows.

Alright, c’mon man! Pay attention!

## END PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT ##

I have to be honest; it’s not just the fire that’s dangerous, it’s people who aren’t careful with fire. Everybody knows it can be dangerous.

Are you still paying attention? C’mon man! (last time, I promise!)

See these marshmallows? Well, marshmallows, even in a field all day soaking in the hot sun, are not very flammable. In fact, they’re often used Continue reading “Joe Biden’s Big Marshmallow Roast”

MANATEES THREATEN IPR CASE

just words

Dear Blog Owner,

It has come to our attention you’re considering naming your band “Manatee Revolution,” which we manatees find offensive, and vow to do things to stop. Manatees are tired of being objectified and having our charm and looks used commercially without our consent.

We also wanted to tell you we formed a committee to organize a fact finding mission to Cancun. Continue reading “MANATEES THREATEN IPR CASE”

Googlevertising and Aliens; How to Take Over The Universe in Seven Easy Steps

1200x630-FB-Googlevertising

Seven Easy Steps

Google has me thinking about advertising. They call it that, but I’m going to call it “Googlevertising.” Googlevertising includes more than just advertising, and brings all new rules to the table!

First: To Googlevertise, you must come up with a new way to do something. Upon thinking one of these up, you must then give it away for free to millions of people, creating a community. In normal advertising, these would be your potential customers, but in Googlevertising, you no longer need the entire person, nor do you need the person to do very much (at first); all you’re going to use is the eyeballs. Google calls this a “community of eyeballs.” These eyeballs, you’ll see, will make you money.

Build websites that provide things to your community for free.

dragon
Many creatures have eyeballs. Here’s a dragon.

Second: Do nothing else.
Never ask your customers for money; you no longer treat them as customers; they are eyeballs. Be sure not to get involved in retail sales or anything brick and mortar.

Feel free to create your own map of the entire world, because soon, your community will be anxious to do SOMETHING for all the free email and music they’ve been getting. They will Continue reading “Googlevertising and Aliens; How to Take Over The Universe in Seven Easy Steps”