Basketball and Racism

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I recently wrote about a TV show called “Blackish,” which I vow to never like, even if it might have some good parts. I hate it; I’m a hater. I hate it without even watching it. I hate it on principle.

But the more I think about it, I’m not sure what I hate.

It’s very difficult for me.

Like you, probably, I want to stop thinking about it.

I want blacks and whites to be blacks and whites, Continue reading “Basketball and Racism”

Easy Viking Teriyaki Meatballs

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Mmmm. Meatballs!

What could be better? I like them little, so you can just pop them in your mouth. I also like to fry them instead of in the oven.

The recipe is simple …

1) Move to a house where they do not have city gas.

2) Periodically have trouble sleeping.

3) Eventually your propane delivery service, during a “bad winter,” probably soon, will charge you four-dollars per gallon. After paying $800-a-month a few times, quit your propane company and install a pellet stove.

4) Bide the time at night, when you can’t sleep, watching television. Soon you’ll own a Nuwave2 Precision Inductive Cooktop, the ultimate nose-flip at those propane people.

5) Purchase pre-cooked frozen little meatballs Continue reading “Easy Viking Teriyaki Meatballs”

Winter Apple Blues (or, How to Spin a Healthy Controversy)

a cat in a bowl shaped like a fish with an apple

The latest from my kitchen is, I have some new apples. This news is similar to previous reports from the kitchen, but although I have new apples frequently, it’s still news.

These new apples are organic. I didn’t read the details, but they’re different than just a regular apple.

First, they come in a plastic bag with graphics, and it says “organic” in big letters; there’s even a fancy plastic bag zipper. Second, they are smaller than regular apples. These organic apples have little holes in them, and are also less shiny and good-looking than regular apples.

Oh, and they cost more.

So, they’re organic. In order to learn more, I pretended to have a conversation with Lou Johnson, President of the Organic Apple Association, a watchdog group that protects the organic apple industry from unfair trade practices. Lou lives in Texas “off the grid,” in a small camper.

Continue reading “Winter Apple Blues (or, How to Spin a Healthy Controversy)”

Some Things Are Not Black Or White (or, Why The Show “Blackish” Is Probably Not Funny, Except I Didn’t Watch It)

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How about that show “Blackish?”

It’s a TV show. National.

As you might imagine, I don’t watch it. Really, I only watched a few minutes, and only to confirm in my overheated brain the concept is really what it is.

I feel like I’m going out on a limb, but this is a show named “blackish” because it’s about a group of people who are black, but look kind of like white people … like Obama. I didn’t make this up. I’m just saying it out loud.

It amazes me sometimes the dim wit of creative people Continue reading “Some Things Are Not Black Or White (or, Why The Show “Blackish” Is Probably Not Funny, Except I Didn’t Watch It)”

The Future of Compact Discs (or, Have a Kunaki Chip Cookie!)

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I must think I’m pretty smart.

What do you think?

Today I’m going to make some predictions.

This will help, as time goes by and my predictions become true, demonstrate my amazingness (he said while typing on a little computer in bed in his sweats).

First off, I predict Chloe Kohanski will win “The Voice.” Those of you who follow popular music probably think I’m cheating a little, since the competition was over last week, and Chloe actually did win … But I predicted it in November!

Already hard to keep up, huh?

In Chloe’s case, I didn’t actually call the winner, but I saw it comin’!

Now it’s time for some new predictions!

Flat out, clear, and no nonsense!

THE NEW WORLD ORDER CONTINUED

I predict compact discs will become obsolete someday … but not any time soon, as they represent the last vestige of good old fashioned hold-it-in-your-hands gift-giveable actual physical goods Continue reading “The Future of Compact Discs (or, Have a Kunaki Chip Cookie!)”

Cox, Lies and Videotape (or, How To Advertise Like The Big Blue Boys)

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Verizon has an ad on TV where they say “The fastest Internet available.” That’s what they are, pretty much anywhere in the U.S., but particularly if you can be connected via FIOS fiber.

So, in the world of advertising, in a case like this … how could an entity who’s a competitor position himself? What kinds of things might he say?

Cox is a cable provider in New England, who has this relationship to Verizon. The company has a decent product, but nevertheless has no idea how to promote it. Continue reading “Cox, Lies and Videotape (or, How To Advertise Like The Big Blue Boys)”

MANATEES THREATEN IPR CASE

Dear Blog Owner,

It has come to our attention you’re considering naming your band “Manatee Revolution,” which we manatees find offensive, and vow to do things to stop. Manatees are tired of being objectified and having our charm and looks used commercially without our consent.

We also wanted to tell you we formed a committee to organize a fact finding mission to Cancun. Continue reading “MANATEES THREATEN IPR CASE”

BLOG OWNER RESPONDS TO SENSITIVE MANATEE ISSUE

Dear Fred The Manatee,

Thank you for contacting me.

I’m sorry you thought I was being harsh. I’m not sure I agree, but it’s becoming more important to me every day to consider your case a priority because it’s the kind of news people care about.

Even though you’re just an underwater snuffleupagus nobody asked to swim around everywhere really slowly, I respect your right to equal access to warmer water, Continue reading “BLOG OWNER RESPONDS TO SENSITIVE MANATEE ISSUE”

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: MANATEES DEMAND APOLOGY

Hello. My name is Fred, and I’m a manatee. I’m writing because I was offended by the tone of the previous article on this blog, titled “Press Release About Manatees.”

The author even admits he doesn’t know anything about manatees, and it’s not really a press release. We manatees don’t like it when humans act in a distrespectful manner toward us, and demand an apology. We also have a short list. Continue reading “FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: MANATEES DEMAND APOLOGY”

PRESS RELEASE ABOUT MANATEES

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The manatee is in danger. We must help!

The manatee is a fat, lazy animal that flops around a little, living just “on the edge of existence,” according to “Forces of Nature,” a documentary airing on WSBE TV.

The narrator explained, while I painfully watched footage of manatees floating lazily around some food-type plants but making no effort to eat, Continue reading “PRESS RELEASE ABOUT MANATEES”

Xarelto Versus Bruno Mars

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I’m an audio guy. I’ve always been involved in audio, from my radio days to the present; I eventually couldn’t think of anything better to become than a musician!

I’ve always thought fondly of audio. I watch video and listen for the audio. I whisper to my cat. The two of us listen to the birds, crickets and wind.

I have audio cables hanging out of boxes in my house like wysteria. Continue reading “Xarelto Versus Bruno Mars”

Big Money Ads! (or, Creative With Reptiles)

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Happy Holidays!

I thought I’d write an aricle making fun of television commercials during the Christmas (and football) season! Then something odd happened … on a few levels!

Who likes insurance companies? And on top of that, who likes commercials that don’t have anything to say … like insurance company commercials? When you think, they have so much money they can produce high-end commercials that don’t need to sell anything – that don’t say much about the product … who likes that?

statue of libertyLiberty has a big statue behind the actor, who’s acting often seems like “just complaining” for 30 seconds … but at least they score big in name recognition.

The problem with many insurance company commercials is they don’t brand strongly, especially the “funny” ones where you don’t know what the ad is for (also true for “a-loud-song-with moving-pictures” ads). Continue reading “Big Money Ads! (or, Creative With Reptiles)”

The Old-Fashioned Radio Show

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It was 1980. Hair was big. John’s last name was Cougar. Apple computers didn’t exist. Diana was engaged to Charles. Rambo was just a twinkle in Stallone’s eye. And I was a disc jockey and newsman at WERI AM/FM in Rhode Island.

I came home every weekend from Boston College to work on-the-air. I missed a lot of Friday night parties at school, but thankfully the student body started every weekend on Thursday.

I didn’t have big hair, but a lot of popular musicians did. I loved throwing Frisbees with my friend John Cavaliere in the square, where the girls could possibly be watching from their dorm room windows. Continue reading “The Old-Fashioned Radio Show”

Amazon, The Big Engine That Can’t

Amazon Haystack Logo

Sometimes when a company says they have great customer service, they don’t.

They may, though, have a hopeful program in place that aims to have great customer service, based on the fact they have bad customer service. Often this effort will be bolstered by advertising about how great their customer service is. In fact, often, if you want to know what a company is particularly bad at, just take a look at what they claim to be great at.

For Amazon, this dynamic is easy to see in the “Advantage” program.

Amazon HaystackThe warehouses Amazon continues to build around the U.S. are not justified logically. The programs they support are for small sellers (like me) and don’t work. The company is denying the complicated problem by just building more. Continue reading “Amazon, The Big Engine That Can’t”