Some Things Are Not Black Or White (or, Why The Show “Blackish” Is Probably Not Funny, Except I Didn’t Watch It)

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How about that show “Blackish?”

It’s a TV show. National.

As you might imagine, I don’t watch it. Really, I only watched a few minutes, and only to confirm in my overheated brain the concept is really what it is.

I feel like I’m going out on a limb, but this is a show named “blackish” because it’s about a group of people who are black, but look kind of like white people … like Obama. I didn’t make this up. I’m just saying it out loud.

It amazes me sometimes the dim wit of creative people Continue reading “Some Things Are Not Black Or White (or, Why The Show “Blackish” Is Probably Not Funny, Except I Didn’t Watch It)”

Philip Morris (A Poem)

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I met Philip Morris
In a cloud of smoke
He said he was an angel
I was sure it was a joke

If you owned a train
Called Destination Death
The question in my mind
Is would you ride on it yourself?

Morris won’t you tell me
Your product’s hot as hell
But if I want to join
Do I have to hurt myself?

In a wink he offered me
A whiskey and a fag Continue reading “Philip Morris (A Poem)”

The Future of Compact Discs (or, Have a Kunaki Chip Cookie!)

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I must think I’m pretty smart.

What do you think?

Today I’m going to make some predictions.

This will help, as time goes by and my predictions become true, demonstrate my amazingness (he said while typing on a little computer in bed in his sweats).

First off, I predict Chloe Kohanski will win “The Voice.” Those of you who follow popular music probably think I’m cheating a little, since the competition was over last week, and Chloe actually did win … But I predicted it in November!

Already hard to keep up, huh?

In Chloe’s case, I didn’t actually call the winner, but I saw it comin’!

Now it’s time for some new predictions!

Flat out, clear, and no nonsense!

THE NEW WORLD ORDER CONTINUED

I predict compact discs will become obsolete someday … but not any time soon, as they represent the last vestige of good old fashioned hold-it-in-your-hands gift-giveable actual physical goods Continue reading “The Future of Compact Discs (or, Have a Kunaki Chip Cookie!)”

Singing The Praises of Singing

I have nephew attending college in New York, majoring in English. I saw Robbie over the weekend, but forgot to ask him if he was planning on becoming a rap star with his degree.

Probably not.

But why not?

Something about “poetry,” whether my class (which I aced) at Boston College years-ago, a quaint, stuffy little book, a professor with eyeglasses … the images conjured up by the word “poetry” are hoity-toity to me.

You too? At least, the image of poetry isn’t like rap music.

I keep wondering, why not?

I wonder, why didn’t they tell me in school, Continue reading “Singing The Praises of Singing”

You’re Gonna See (A Poem)

I don’t wanna share
And I want you to see
It’s just got to be you and me babe

You’re gonna see
You’re gonna see
You’re gonna want to be with me

You’re gonna see
You’re gonna see
You’re gonna sing with glee babe

You should never be
Too far away from me
It’s just got to be you and me

Inside of me
And deep like the sea Continue reading “You’re Gonna See (A Poem)”

Cox, Lies and Videotape (or, How To Advertise Like The Big Blue Boys)

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Verizon has an ad on TV where they say “The fastest Internet available.” That’s what they are, pretty much anywhere in the U.S., but particularly if you can be connected via FIOS fiber.

So, in the world of advertising, in a case like this … how could an entity who’s a competitor position himself? What kinds of things might he say?

Cox is a cable provider in New England, who has this relationship to Verizon. The company has a decent product, but nevertheless has no idea how to promote it. Continue reading “Cox, Lies and Videotape (or, How To Advertise Like The Big Blue Boys)”

MANATEES SUE SESAME STREET

Dear Blog Owner,

As a courtesy to you, I’m sending you this copy of a letter I recently sent to Sesame Street:

“While we understand the snuffleupagus character was probably intended to cast an inspiring educational light on our magnificent species, and continue to encourage the industry to make more movies with manatees in them, we feel offended by endless stereotyping of manatees as stupid or comparing us to the much different and less intelligent snuffleupagus. Continue reading “MANATEES SUE SESAME STREET”

Dog Power! (Not A Big Game Sighting!)

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Dogs are the eighth wonder of the world! I wonder if there are dogs on other planets; if so, they’re a wonder of the universe!

My cat, Penelope, has issued the official declaration, it being cold out, this being her and my first winter together, she doesn’t like snow. Which makes sense, because it probably hurts her paws. When she goes outside (part of my program to fulfill all her needs), she continues, only outside now, to sit in one place for a long time. Extended sitting, she probably feels, is impractical when your feet hurt. (Don’t think about that too hard.) Continue reading “Dog Power! (Not A Big Game Sighting!)”

MANATEES THREATEN IPR CASE

Dear Blog Owner,

It has come to our attention you’re considering naming your band “Manatee Revolution,” which we manatees find offensive, and vow to do things to stop. Manatees are tired of being objectified and having our charm and looks used commercially without our consent.

We also wanted to tell you we formed a committee to organize a fact finding mission to Cancun. Continue reading “MANATEES THREATEN IPR CASE”