Gootar Expected For Christmas

(Mountain View, California) Hi-tech rock star Google today announced its contender in the field of musical instruments. The plastic-adorned, aptly-named “Gootar” is expected to hit stores in time for Christmas shopping this year.

Google spokeswoman Gina Gull says the Gootar has “a retro 50’s look, but space age technology.” Joking with a crowd of reporters this morning at the Boston Children’s Museum, and broadcast live on Google television, Gull said it’s “the kind of guitar Dexter from ‘Space Ace’ would play.”

She said the Gootar comes with automatic band synchronization with the patent-pending “Google Auto Mojo,” that works with compatible devices, including Siri, free Internet access, and, with a premium subscription, audience members from all around the world.

When asked if Siri would be able to play the drums, clearly a direct reference to musical competitor Apple’s “GarageBand,” Gull said her company plans around the same time to release “GooDAW,” which she called “a cheese, perfectly compatible with apples,” and described as “Google’s new digital audio workstation, that will create a YouTube video for anything you play,” as well as “Google Gig,” an app that will “automatically make your coffee house performance available to record companies around the world.” She said Gig will be free for musicians, funded by BMI and ASCAP, two companies Google is rumored to be trying to buy.

Google plans a massive advertising campaign around the slogan “Got to Get a Gootar,” featuring a cartoon-character Dexter playing a Gootar on the wing of a spaceship bound for Venus, where he meets Ralph Macchio, who sold his soul to the devil, and easily defeats Macchio in guitar cyber-battle.

There’s even rumors Google is wooing McDonald’s to co-create a smaller toy version, that would be called the “McGootar.”

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